KNOW YOURSELF: How To Be Grounded & Have A Strong Identity
– Someone who has an amazing experience being alive, but say, is broke is actually more successful in my opinion than someone who has a terrible experience being alive being rich. Amazing experience is what comes first.
And that's also defining what is your, again, back to that ideal life, back to that goal, what does that look like for you? Reflect on it, right? Say everything for all of you here were to go amazingly according to plan, right? Things go amazing. What does your friend group look like? What kind of friends do you have? Actually like, perhaps not now, but after take some time to write this out.
Do you want all your friends to be super self-help focused, super success focused? Could be yes, could be no. That's really unique to you. What do you do in your typical day? Does your ideal life, is it just you waking up and working morning to night? Just hustling all the time? Could be, but also could be, and you're like, okay, interesting.
Does your ideal life mean traveling a lot? Not traveling a lot. Like where do you live? What's your romantic situation like? What's your job situation like? What's your free time? What are your hobby situation like? If the answer to this is, I don't know, well then you're in trouble 'cause then how do you know what advice to look for and what to do? If you know where you're going, you can't just try and see.
Like maybe something will tell me there. It's like, no, it all starts there, right? I'm sure you've all heard my, I was compared to the supplement vitamin store for example. Right, say you go to a vitamin store and you pick up any kind of supplement, any vitamin, and you read the benefits.
There's not a single one where you're like, I don't want that. They all sound great. Now, all of them. You'll even see little ads on social media. And it's oh, this. There's the liver pills and all this, oh wow. And oh, all the benefits. Oh, there's not a single one you're like, nah, I'm good.
So say you were to go like that, and that's what people do, right? They go, say, on YouTube and they're like, oh, that video sounds good. That sounds good too. What happens if you do have vitamins, overload, not good. Same with self-help. Not good. What's the right way to go about it? It's perhaps do a blood test.
See where you're deficient. That's now your compass. That's your map. And then you go in, and based upon that, what vitamins do I need? Right here thinking about your goal, your ideal life. That's your blood test. Based upon that, what do I need from the self-help world? That's the vitamin shop.
The self-help vitamin shop. What do I need versus anything and everything. Makes sense? And if you don't know what your purpose is, then that's step one. You'll be like, well shit, how do I figure that out? All right, what does, again, an amazing day look like for me? There's many processes you can go through.
A lot of value in this will be found in your past, by the way, key. Auditing your past. Auditing, I mean a great question for this is what's been your favorite action in life so far? You can't say coming. Your favorite action on the producing side. Because people, when they also think this ideal life and stuff, it's all about getting, right? My ideal life is I'm traveling and I'm getting the travel and I'm getting the money and I'm getting this.
Okay, what about producing? What's been your favorite action so far? And perhaps you don't know. Perhaps even if you audit your life, most of your life is spent consuming. In which case you'd be like, whoa, well, let's start in injecting some producing again. 'Cause that's also what a purpose is, it's producing.
Right, you will get, of course, as you produce, but that's a purpose. You know? So looking back even as a kid, it's like, okay, well when did I really like to produce as a kid? What were some interests I had? The data for you to find what you really like in life is past experience. You have tons of references.
Take all the time you've been alive here so far, based upon all that information and experiences, you should have a general idea of what you like and what you don't like. If you actually sit down and audit that. Like, okay, well I tried this. I didn't like that. You could think of it as like say, here's the classic purpose kind of dilemma.
You're looking at, say, you go to like a, we did the vitamin store, you go to a ice cream store and there are an infinite amount of flavors, any flavor you can think of. And the person walks up to you and they're like, "Okay, you only get one scoop, one flavor, "which one you want?" And you're just like.
(speaker gasping) And people just live life like that, stuck. I don't know. They can't just commit to the purpose. They don't know what it's like, too much. And then there's more added by the second to it, especially with social media. Well, what's gonna help you make a decision, looking in the past.
Okay, well what are some flavors I've tried so far? What are the ones that I really didn't like? Say there's one you really didn't like. You're like, you know what? I didn't like coffee flavor. Well then what happens? It rules out any flavor that includes coffee, get it? So it starts narrowing it down.
Okay, what's another flavor I didn't like? Well, I didn't really like mint chocolate chip. Okay, rules that out. I didn't really like banana, rules that out. Oh, you know what? I really did like chocolate. Oh, so let's kind of zone in on anything that's in the chocolate area.
I really like vanilla. Oh, let's zone in on the vanilla area. Now, instead of what's my purpose could be anything and everything, boundaries are placed. The lane is a bit tighter, but it might not be tight enough, so she said. (audience laughing) So to make it tighter, what are you gonna have to then do? Add to your past experiences.
How do you do that? By taking more producing action in the present moment. So say, it's like narrow it down. You're like, okay, and now there's, say, three flavors. Let me try this one. And then your present moment action turns into past data that keeps allowing you to narrow down, narrow down, narrow down, narrow down.
So when it comes to your purpose, don't be like, hmm, anything and everything. I'm gonna be an astronaut and this. It's like find some clues in your past and then keep taking action on the producing side. See what it feels like to produce. You can also ask yourself questions that eliminate the outcome that gets you in touch with this, right? One could be what would you do if you had all the money in the world? Immediate response from most people is like, I'd chill.
Okay, well what about after that? 'Cause you'll get bored of chilling. All right, it's funny, even with the whole lockdown situation. You know what's funny, I actually do. Do you want a weird behind of what goes on in my mind? For the longest time, I've never said this publicly, actually, it's funny.
For the longest time, I had this fantasy of being able to pause life for a year, no joke, for real. To pause life for a year and just kind of appear in an alternate little room where there's just all the junk food available, a TV, a PlayStation, all the movies and shows, and I would just sit on a couch as a slob and get just extremely unhealthy and just do nothing productive for a year.
And then that would end after a year, and I just reappear in my body where things left off and just continue life, like no joke. That was like a fantasy. I'm like, wow, wouldn't that be cool just to see what it's like. And then guess what, pandemic hit, and that happened. A lot of people were in that situation at first, right? So I was just kind of sitting at home and guaranteed, a good amount of people on earth at first was like, okay, this is scary, this sucks at the very beginning.
And then you're like, well, I mean the plus size, we kind of chill at home now for a bit. It's like a fun little break. And then what happens after a bit of chilling, you get a little bored of chilling. You think it's like, if I, and that's even with success, if I just work and then I make it, I can then chill.
You will get bored of chilling. What comes after that? That's the key. So you have all the money in the world, you can do whatever you want. Sure, sure can chill for a bit. Then what? Now your decision will be coming from desperation and a reaction. It'll be more of an authentic drive. Like I guess I'll do this.
And why would you choose to do that? For the experience. You can't make more money 'cause you have it all. Get it? So that's one perspective. Another one would be, well, what if you were to fail at everything in the world? Like say, no matter what you did, you wouldn't be that successful and you'd just be making minimum wage no matter what, what would you do? Things that just take away the outcome.
Where now all that you're left with to make a decision is the experience, the process. Right, so those are some key questions. And then even combining it with who you are and your personality, what are some of your strengths, right? What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? What what's unique about you? And this here is interestingly too, where hard times come into play.
All of you here have gone through very unique hard times in life. A lot of people turn that into their sad story and they think that it gives them a reason to feel sorry for themselves. My sad story. No, it does not. Hard times do not give you an excuse to feel sorry for yourself the rest of your life.
Of course there is a period where perhaps there's, again, a grieving phase and a time to be sad. Yes, you can feel sorry. And then you get out of that. And then you turn that into, you could say you turn shit into gold. Guess what? Even if you look at the whole scandal that I went through, that was the worst time in my life.
I incorporated that into who I am now. It's part of my brand. It's part of even what I teach. It actually allows me to offer so much value. Like who else in the world has experienced that much, quote unquote, social rejection or the need of approval, disapproval. It's, again, terrible, but that turns into a strength.
It's something unique about me. Say, you take two coaches. Say you take another coach that can clone me, but it's like, didn't go through all that and same type of advice. Oh, what's special about this one? Oh, you went through that. Oh, there's something you to learn from it. Same with you.
What are some unique things that only you have experienced? That make you stand out, that differentiate you? How can you then in a creative way, just like thinking, play that into what brings you joy in terms of your purpose, linking it to your past. Right, and then the other thing too is you can always accomplish more and more and more.
This is very important. Don't use goals as barriers. Meaning some people are like, well for me to be on my purpose and be happy, I need to… Here's an example, say, with coaching, right? Say you're like my purpose is to be a coach. Okay, great. But to be a coach, I need to have a good brand and money and a lot of clients, and then I'll be happy on my purpose.
That's terrible. Whatever your purpose is, all of you here, nothing's blocking you from tuning into that right now. Like say you wanna be a coach, nothing's blocking you from coaching someone right now. You can just walk out and coach someone in the street. Even for free, nothing's blocking you.
Those are goals. Oh sure, go get clients. Sure, go get a brand. But that comes after you start coaching. It's not, I get that and then I coach. Right, or my purpose, I need X amount of followers. Go get the followers, but don't use a goal as a barrier for you starting now 'cause there's always more.
You can get more clients, you can get more money, you can accomplish more. But trust me, more doesn't enhance the experience of the process. What does that mean? Me, say, starting out the very beginning, right, very little brand, not as many clients, I was having just as much fulfillment then than now.
I have just as much fulfillment coaching one person versus a crowd. I have just as much fulfillment coaching someone making way less money versus more money. None of that enhances it. It's the same purpose. Same here, right. I could be like, oh this is fun, but you know what, I can't wait until I speak in front of a crowd of like, thousands only then.
That'll be great, intention, but that's not a barrier for me experiencing just peak fulfillment now. And same for you, identify what those barriers are. Nothing's blocking you, only the illusion.
Source Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJwfqdEdy6I